What is discernment counseling?
Discernment counseling is a specialized short-term process designed for couples where one partner is seriously considering ending the relationship — the "leaning out" partner — while the other wants to preserve it — the "leaning in" partner. It is not couples therapy. It does not assume both partners want to work on the relationship. Instead, it creates a safe, structured space for both partners to think clearly about the future.
The goal is not reconciliation. The goal is clarity and confidence about the next step — whatever that turns out to be.
Who is discernment counseling for?
Discernment counseling is designed for couples who are "mixed agenda" — where the desire to work on the relationship is not mutual, at least not right now. You may find it helpful if:
- One partner has one foot out the door and is not ready to commit to couples therapy
- You've tried couples therapy before and it didn't help — or made things worse
- A recent revelation (an affair, a major betrayal, a crisis) has left the future of the relationship unclear
- You want to make a thoughtful decision about your marriage rather than act in the heat of crisis
- You have children and want to be sure you've explored every option
The three possible outcomes
Discernment counseling helps couples move toward one of three paths — and supports them in making that choice with full awareness:
Option A — Maintain the status quo
Continue the relationship as it is, with no immediate changes. Sometimes couples need more time before they are ready to decide.
Option B — Separate or divorce
Move forward with ending the relationship — with mutual understanding, reduced conflict, and as much dignity as possible. This is especially important when children are involved.
Option C — Commit to a 6-month intensive effort
Both partners agree to put separation off the table and commit to a full, honest attempt at couples therapy — often EFT — for six months. This is not a promise to stay together. It is a promise to try.
How it works
Discernment counseling typically involves 1–5 sessions. Each session includes time with both partners together and time with each partner individually. This structure allows both the leaning-out and leaning-in partner to speak honestly without managing the other's reaction.
I am trained in Discernment Counseling and bring additional depth through my certification in Emotionally Focused Therapy — meaning I understand both the attachment dynamics driving the crisis and the path forward if couples choose to work on the relationship.
Sessions are conducted online via a secure, HIPAA-compliant platform throughout Tennessee and Malaysia.
Session fees: $225 for 60 minutes · $315 for 90 minutes — the same rate for individuals and couples. Extended sessions are recommended for couples doing deeper EFT work. Private pay only. Superbill provided upon request for potential out-of-network reimbursement. Limited sliding scale available — inquire confidentially.
A note on courage
It takes real courage to seek discernment counseling — especially as the leaning-out partner. You may feel guilt about wanting to leave, or fear about what clarity might mean. I want you to know: this process is not about pressure. It is about helping you make one of the most important decisions of your life with as much wisdom and self-awareness as possible.
